Aspie-Aspie Relationships - Love and Dating

I've got... eleven years? Let me dig up some advice.

It's pretty awesome, overall.

Joint meltdowns are the worst thing. The worst. The key is to not break up because you both failed each other when you were at your most emotionally vulnerable. It is just awful, but it's not very frequent - maybe once every couple of years. (Clearly you could measure the average time between your meltdowns and the time between your partner's meltdowns and figure out how often they will overlap. Math!)

You have special interests, they have special interests. Both of you should be OK with long discussions about the other person's special interests. Even if it's vegetables or video games or fashion or manners. Even if it's dumb. Also, you eventually get to know all about an issue without having deep feelings about it - it's kinda like being NT.

Social skills: when you have someone who will discuss biology or comics with you for hours, you feel less need to talk about those things with other people. That makes outside interactions easier. Also, thinking about someone else's emotions a lot of the time makes empathy for everyone easier. It IS important to maintain friendships outside the relationship so that you remember to keep making eye contact and finishing sentences.

It's important to talk about how you feel ALL THE TIME. It's boring, but it saves so much suffering. Saying things like "I had a rough day and don't really want to talk." or "I need to sit quietly for a while." or "That thing you are doing with your teeth is currently driving me up the wall - could you pick another stim, please?" can prevent all sorts of fights.

It's really nice to have someone who's in your corner - someone who understands that you have limits to what you can do or handle, and that some things - like nightclubs or backpacking through Europe - might be completely out of the question. It's wonderful to have someone who understands how important your special interest is to you - and is curious about the world and delighted by the complexities of something else. My aspie friend once said the best part about dating was sitting in the same room, reading quietly - I agree.

I hope you guys are very happy.

Source: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt218152.html

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