Making Friends? ? A Journey Through Motherhood

I feel like this post should come with a self-pity warning? I considered not posting but instead I?ll say that if self-pity is likely to annoy you please don?t read any further, I need to be loved ;0)

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On Saturday night we had a little Christmas gathering, it was lovely with a few friends with kids here meaning toys everywhere, it was pretty perfect. Then at the end of the evening I sobbed on Gareth, partly because I?d drunk half a bottle of Champagne but also because I became keenly aware of how far away my family and many of my friends are.

I?ve met lots of lovely people since moving here and it does feel like home to us but last night we discussed moving back down south to be near to my family. I think having small children and being a long way from the people who can help and support is incredibly hard and with all that?s happened these past few months it?s been even harder.

But with the teen in the middle of year 9 we won?t be going anywhere for a few years, I want him to have stability through secondary school. So, in the mean time I need to make a real effort to be more socialable and to make friends. I?m suddenly feeling very lonely and isolated and I think with a plan to home school our smaller boys this could easily get much worse, I need to fight my natural instinct to hide out at home and ?not see people.

I don?t know if this is just how modern life is, with friends spread all over the place, I know some people stay and live in the same place that they grow up but I know very few people who did that. If I moved back to my home town none of my closest friends are still there, they haven?t even had the decency to all move to the same place but are spread far and wide?

I?m always surprised how you meet people, my delicious friend Fi came along on Saturday night with her husband and their little one. I actually met Fi on Twitter. It was so lovely to see them all in a social way. Fi and Richard both do hypnotherapy and if you live in South Yorkshire and could use this sort of thing you should look them up on their website. It was Fi who got me to the top of the climbing wall by helping me overcome my fear of heights? it?s amazing stuff.

I love that being on Twitter can lead to friendships. It?s such a hard thing to find, if you are single and you want to meet someone, then you could choose to go out for the evening and flirt with men you fancy, but it?s not the same with making friends. It?s hard to find people you share interests with and that you really click with. Though it?s interesting for me to note that most of my friends are ones that I can have flirty banter with!

I don?t know what this post is meant to be exactly or what it?s saying? I have met some good people up here but still at times I find it really hard. The friends I?ve had for years, the ones I can call at 3am if needed live so far away and it?s just hard. My mum and lovely big sister are so far away and I miss them. I?m not sure moving is the answer, even my mum and sister don?t live in the same area.

Part of the problem has been my own unsettled adult life, I have moved such a lot and often made no effort to get to know people as I knew I had no long term plans to stay. I lived in Walsall for a year and actually didn?t get to know anyone. Not one person. When in Derbyshire I met some lovely people who I?m still in touch with (a couple who came along on Saturday night). Altogether this area feels most like home so perhaps I just need to overcome my fears and get to know people, I mean really get to know them. I need to remember that we do like it here and it?s safe to give myself up a little in order to get to know people. My natural instinct is to hold back and to assume that people already have their friendship groups and won?t have room for me.

It?s odd writing all this stuff down but as always it helps. Gareth and I even talked about making our wedding just the two of us last night, just because the social aspect of it is quite nerve wracking for both of us, but in the end I think it?s the perfect way to get all the people we love together in the same place. That?s something we?ll talk about more and make a decision on.

Having to cancel our trip to Sussex due to my vans head gasket going is probably not helping my mood, it was going to be a chance to spend time with my family and some friends that I rarely see, so I think I?m feeling a little sad about that. I am grateful to be living where we do and for the special people we know, it?s a beautiful place, I just need to realise it really is home and really settle in.

Source: http://motherhoodjourneys.com/making-friends

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